Mephistopheles 3.0

What’s your religion? Christ — it’s hard to tell with Christians these days, isn’t it? I blame the media, because idiots misreading the Koran get ALL the headlines, while at the same time there are just as many idiots misrepresenting Scripture. Hell, we celebrate the religious morons in America. And Heaven forbid you criticize Republican policies, because these “christians” STILL approve of Donald J. Trump by an overwhelming majority. The J. doesn’t stand for Jesus, gentiles. Welcome to your Sunday Sermon™.

Onward Christian soldiers — heal thyselves. I respectfully remind you that Jesus “gave [his disciples] power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases … He sent them to heal the sick.” Tell everyone the Good News along the way, but fix that broken leg and set up a standing appointment for Judah’s dialysis treatments while you’re at it. The Bible makes a pretty strong argument here that you can all take all your #ThoughtsAndPrayersand go sho… sh …shake your ass and do something to heal the sick. Republicans in Washington believe everyone (no matter how we voted) is ruled by the law of the jungle — only the richest survive. And for the GOP disciples, the “fruit of thy womb” is only sacred as long as it didn’t come from a Muslim majority country. Y’know … like Jesus.

I confess: I’m guilty of religious profiling. It’s deceptively easy to pick out the bad guys in a line-up by examining the choices they’ve made. If you don’t believe me, ask Robert Mueller. “Christians” who support Trump are as every bit as delusional as any religious fanatic in the mideast. Fail to fully embrace their dogma and you are an enemy. Facts, logic and dissenting opinion bounce right off the thick skulls of the hapless christian soldier, and I blame Ephesians: “Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” As far as Trump voters are concerned, especially the “christians,” everything I’m saying is blasphemy and further proof they’re being “persecuted” for their religious beliefs. No, I’m persecuting you because you’re st-st-stupid.

Trump’s “religion” is a diseased growth on this country’s soul. Any true Christian would recognize the GREED (“I shouldn’t tell you that, I’m a greedy – I’ve always been greedy”) LUST (“… if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps”) PRIDE (“I think apologizing’s a great thing, but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize, sometime in the hopefully distant future, if I’m ever wrong.”), GLUTTONY (“most beautiful piece of chocolate cake”) and PRIDE again (“… part of the beauty of me is that I am very rich”). I’m worried about WRATH, frankly. But all the Trump acolytes don’t really care about adultery, as long as their club keeps its tax-exempt status. The point is, you don’t have to travel to South America or Asia to help your fellow man, followers of Republican Jesus. Let’s go ahead and call that “mission trip” what it really is: a tax-free family vacation to an exotic destination. Next time try Appalachia. I dare you.

Just past five o’clock yesterday morning, at the Dar Al-Farooq Islamic Center in Minnesota, Trump’s “religion” delivered yet another improvised explosive device to our local Muslim community. Islamic institutions nationwide have been subjected to hate crimes at an alarming rate since Trump took office. The bombing in Bloomington doesn’t qualify — yet — because the local FBI have not been able to determine motive. It may seem obvious to you and I, but in the very black/white, right/wrong, binary view of the FBI agent, facts trump suspicion. I believe the motive mirrors the president’s message: Make America Hate Again. We’ve been force-fed a diet of division and mass delusion for years now. My silver lining in Donald Trump’s gathering legal storm clouds is clear: the FBI hasn’t determined motive in his case, either. Treason? Maybe. Extortion? Probably. High (financial) crimes and misdemeanors? Sure, why not? The facts will speak for themselves.

I’d be willing to wager staying within commuter jet distance of D.C. on this “not vacation” of his has less to do with his favorite pastime, and more to do with ferrying an army of lawyers back and forth from the nation’s capitol and New York to his golf club. He’s walled himself off in his little fiefdom, with the enemy (media) at the gates, tossing severed heads over the balustrades as though he were Lord Bolton. He’s currently at war with the press, a Republican Congress, U.S. Statute law, public opinion and a little thing called reality. So much winning.

What’s your religion? It shouldn’t matter is the point Trump christians refuse to understand. Faith is personal. Faith is private. How YOU choose to live and act, guided by whatever or whoever you place faith in, is something nobody on this earth can ever change, so stop pretending to care about Sharia Law. Right now 1/3 of this country believes ‘the damn thing (D.C.) isn’t working — might as well blow it up and start over.’ Those same people claim to believe in the Constitution. Worse — they’re echoed on the left. Sorry, kids — there is no reset button. Go look for a med kit and try and heal yourself — because if it all breaks down, you’re on your own. Feel free to pick up a rulebook and figure out how the game is played before whining about how you’re not winning. I get enough of that from POTUS.

Didn’t get your way on an important vote, Donald? Then it must be time for some presidential whining from the bully pulpit and a loud, raucous chorus of ’Change The Rules and Vote Again!’ from the Trump choir. Not so fast. ‘If I need to sit here (in Pro Forma session) to make sure you behave yourself, Donnie, I will!’ said Mitch McConnell and the Senate Republicans. Yes, I understand they’re just trying to protect Trump from himself and keep his 8.9 Richter wrist free to sign bills, but that fight happens after recess. For now, it’s the first time in recent memory that I fully support Senate Republicans.

Who believes in miracles? You do. You’re welcome.

Babysitter Needed, Inquire Within

The Russian government now openly refers to the “utter powerlessness” of Donald Trump, writing “hope that our relations with the new American administration would improve is finished.” That statement by Prime Minister Medvedev is flat wrong — and meant to confuse you. The Russians don’t have a problem with Trump’s administration — they have a problem with the U.S.A.

Meanwhile China commiserates, noting POTUS “likes to tweet,” adding “emotional venting cannot become a guiding policy for solving the nuclear issue” with North Korea. You know we have a potential crisis on our hands when Kim Jong Un is the more reliably predictable actor than the president.

It seems pretty clear to me that when Trump is challenged on his lack of diplomacy, or having a feeble grasp of world affairs, or someone laughs at his lumberjack competition handshake — full frontal attack is all he knows. That’s fine contained to 140 characters or fewer — but the idiot man-child has new toys these days and requires constant adult supervision. John Kelly is the new babysitter — let’s hope he doesn’t show him how to use them.

Scientia ipsa potentia est — knowledge itself is power.

Random Tweets

This photograph was taken 190 days ago. Let that sink in.
Who’s out: Mike Flynn (National Security Adviser), K.T. McFarland (Deputy National Security Advisor), James Comey (Director of the FBI), Sally Yates (Acting Attorney General), John Thompson (U.S. Census Bureau), Walter Shaub (Office of Government Ethics), Preet Bharara (plus 44 other U.S. attorneys), Mike Duke (Communications Director), Sean Spicer (Press Secretary), Katie Walsh (Deputy Chief of Staff), and White House Chief of Staff Reince Preibus — so far.
Now let’s start the longer list — those within Trump’s inner-circle who are currently active targets of the U.S. Justice Department/FBI investigations for collusion and/or treason. Or let’s not — because if we plow through the names and get past Sessions, Bannon, Donnie Jr. and the guy going through puberty while bringing peace to the middle East, it’s nothing but a clown show of incompetent sycophants who swear they’d “do anything” Trump asked. If “anything” includes doing time in a federal penitentiary, fine. If not, resign.




Going Nuclear

Go ahead and laugh at the double entendre, Donald, and miss the point. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time (sorry about that, Serge).

About now “Tom Joad” would take you deep inside Orwell’s memory hole, where Donald dumps facts, science, reason and compassion. TJ would tell the story of Trumplethinskin and Serge Kovaleski of the New York Times (a former WaPo reporter Trump claims changed a story to make him look bad — he didn’t).

Tom Joad 2.0 isn’t as “philosophical” as some may yearn for — but it’s by necessity. I’m not the first to note that this angry man-child of a president is literally banking on us to get bogged down in debate, bamboozled by his bullshit, as he surrounds the White House with an army of lawyers. He’s Fielding Mellish absent the bumbling charm — and with a mean streak a mile-wide. This is not normal. Continue reading

GOP Failure Friday

So John McCain is the hero in our story again, right? Not so fast. If it took removing the tumor from his head to get him to say to his GOP colleagues, ‘gee fellas, the American people expect us to do our jobs here,’ then fine … tumors for everyone! YOU get a tumor — and YOU get a tumor! (Spare me … cancer has touched all our lives … I don’t need a lecture.)

I’m sure McConnell remains stumped. After staunching the Republican bloodletting at just 15 million newly uninsured Americans (their “skinny” option, because you can never be too rich or too thin), and getting that dramatic, last-minute phone call from the Drumpf Führer himself on the Senate floor — it was just another “very disappointing” FAILURE. Sad.

Meanwhile the new communications guy at the White House has been the source of his own leak, promised some kind of “night of the long knives” inside the West Wing, and swore a blue streak while talking to a reporter. His takeaway? ‘Don’t trust reporters.’ Really? Kiss my *, mooch.

Like that matters anyway. His boss doesn’t really hold anything back himself. I was reminded the other day of that scene from David Finch’s 1995 masterpiece “Se7en,” where Morgan Freeman describes finding a treasure trove of rambling, paranoid and often delusional ravings in John Doe’s notebooks, “placed on the shelves in no discernible order … just his mind poured out on paper [Twitter].” I’ll leave out the Mad King /Jaime Lannister reference until later in the season.

You’re welcome.

… also, Democrats don’t need “A Better Deal,” they need a better slogan. I humbly suggest “Impeach and Replace.”

President “So What if I Did?”

Donald Trump

Admitting guilt in past financial dealings with Russian partners just doesn’t matter to the Trump administration. Why? Glad you asked. As it turns out, any past financial deals with Russia “are well beyond any statute of limitation imposed by the United States Code.” ‘Let’s all just move on, shall we? Nothing to see here, folks. Move along now, Director Mueller, we’ll take it from here.’ Not so fast.

Is Trump guilty of shady deals with mobbed-up Russian oligarchs? ‘So what if he did’ is the legal defense strategy offered by Trump attorney John Dowd. It’s his “Turd Blossom” moment — Shrub’s nickname for Karl Rove — who famously said, “We’re history’s actors … and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.” He wasn’t wrong, either — I recall it seemed like the entire planet came together to tell the Bush White House that striking a match in Iraq was not only an international crime, but a really lousy idea to boot. It happened anyway.

Take heart. Trump’s nothing but a bully. See, it’s not that he’s “anti-science,” it’s that trying to understand sciencey-sounding-stuff gives him an ice-cream headache behind his right eye. It exposes his major weakness: he’s not a smart man. Trump’s just like every other jackass from high school who’d pick on the smart kids, because the nerd reveals the dullard’s inherent intellectual incuriosity. For Trump, ‘these aren’t crimes — they’re political hijinks — everyone does it.’ Actually, they don’t. At the end of each day I honestly think Trump must be truly bewildered. He’s enjoyed a lifetime of getting exactly what he wants, at the moment he wants it. Do what I say — or else — is all he understands. Once again — not so fast.

Trump doesn’t grasp one of our country’s most basic precepts: Congress doesn’t work for the president, Congress works for us. Take a moment, boss, to attend a town hall, state fair, shopping mall ribbon-cutting — WHEREVER your representatives might be while they’re home. All politics is local. These people are your neighbors, who give your ideas voice in D.C. — go introduce yourself. Do not, however, take a pie to share.

You’re welcome.

Presidential Paybacks

Candidate Trump: ‘Make great deals for Medicare; stop big pharma from ripping us off.’

Trump Today: ‘My pals from Merck and Pfizer are at the White House today for some payback and millions of dollars in free media.’

That’s okay, it’s “Made in America” after all, where it’s still legal to price-gouge senior citizens and/or dying patients. These pharmaceutical parasites continue to keep us popping pills at prices considered obscene by every other industrialized nation on earth. We’re No. 1! We’re No. 1!

That new thingamahoozit they displayed at the people’s house is certainly innovative. Getting an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work is okay in my book, too (literally). But that’s only part of the Merck and Pfizer story, and a different tune than the one you were singing earlier. Those drug company stocks should show a healthy gain thanks to the Twitter ad you posted, POTUS. Quick question: is there an actual ledger of donations vs. Trump infomercials? A live stand-up has to cost more than a tweet, right? How do you balance the books?

You’re making bad deals and, as Commander-in-Chief, cravenly caving-in to Russian demands and running away isn’t what we’re used to from from our leaders. Your move neuters whatever meager defenses Syrian rebels have to withstand Russian-backed forces who are propping up a murderous dictator. Freedom? Sorry, America isn’t in that business anymore … we have new owners. Russia gets what Russia wants. Say, what’d you get out of the deal, Don? Bupkis. Nada. Zip. Just like the content of your character — a great big, fat, empty nothing. Continue reading