Don’t Know Much ‘Bout History

Andrea Tantaros


I really wanted to be done with this subject, Andrea Tantaros, but then you had to go and say something so monumentally st-st-stupid, “it baffled the mind.” I got that old familiar twitch behind my left eye when I heard you say “You know what baffles the mind? This isn’t a Republican flag. Historically this was the flag of southern Democrats. Remember that … fact?” No — no, I don’t. It was the battle flag of General Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia, you twit. That’s it — it may be a symbol for others when viewed through the lens of history, but it wasn’t about party.

I know this all happened a long, long time ago, but this is as silly as still claiming Abraham Lincoln’s party affiliation for your own — as though that has anything whatsoever to do with today’s ideologically-opposite Republican party.

Southern Democrats were not the progressives — I could probably make a case that many still aren’t, but let’s leave that for another day. What  “baffled the mind” was you trying to conflate today’s party affiliations with beliefs held 150 years ago. Those “southern Democrats” of yours are the same ones responsible for electing Harry Truman — but WAIT — there’s more. They were so regressive — and dead set against having anything to do with the national Democratic party — they formed their own “State’s Rights” party.

Basically, these “Democrats” of yours came in two ideological flavors — the “State’s Rights Democratic Party” (which would account for most of today’s southern Republicans) and the “National States’ Rights Party” (those further out on the fringe, including John Bircher’s, white supremacists, and some TEA Party conservatives). Are you with me so far, Andrea? Please — continue.    

“I find this flag offensive,” which is your right — a lot of people do. That’s why it’s been removed from state grounds in South Carolina. “This flag represents the fight in slavery” — I think you mean “for,” or “to maintain” —  “and it was a flag of southern Democrats — Democrats — used to fly this against northern Republicans, so I’m not sure why Republicans are getting peppered over this.” You’re not sure of a lot of things, are you, Andrea?

They’re being “peppered” with questions about this, because America has once again begun the process of selecting a man or woman to lead ALL Americans — right/left, black/white, Christian/Muslim, etc. And the stammering and equivocating and multiple/contrasting positions offered by Republicans tell voters quite a bit about the clowns aboard the GOP bus. They’re so worried about offending the “National States’ Rights Party” voters (those out on the lunatic fringe, who they need to win the Republican primary), most of them were acting like a deer caught in the headlights.

“I think that Mike Huckabee made a very good point.” Yes, Andrea — you would — being a coworker at the network and all. “He said this is being used to bait Republicans into a trap.” Wait, what? Asking a presidential candidate for an opinion is “a trap?” You mean — if they’re forced to take a position on what many of their “potential constituents” see as a hate symbol — they’ll be “trapped” into losing the support of the racist bigots who watch your programming? Heaven forbid!

“I mean — think about it.” That’s good advice, Andrea — you should try it sometime. “This is the legitimate rape litmus test we saw in the last election.” Oh no you didn’t! You choose NOW to retread Todd Akin’s offensive comments? Look, I know that former Governor Huckabee continued to campaign for the man who said pregnancy is unlikely when it’s — what he called — a “legitimate rape” — but that doesn’t constitute a “trap.”

“They’re trying to divide and they’re trying to trap Republicans.” No, no, no … we’re trying to get you to take a position and stick with it — instead of constantly being disingenuous hypocrites. Sure, Democratic politicians do it, too — saying whatever is politically expedient depending on the audience — but you guys have this hypocrisy thing down to a science. Southern Democrats of the Civil War era are today’s Republicans and TEA Party voters. Full stop. You should have learned this in high school — now you know.

You’re welcome.

Southern Pride Yields a Bitter Crop



As I began to put down a few observations about the battle flag brouhaha in South Carolina, my iPhone alerted me to the news that Governor Nikki Haley was expected at any moment, ready to announce the flag of General Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia will be removed from the Confederate Soldiers War Memorial, located on the capitol grounds. That just happened. I expected her to be late — since they likely needed a head count, rather than be embarrassed at some future date, when the requisite two thirds of state legislators failed to agree on its removal.

Retiring the flag to its proper place in American history — on mothballs in a museum — isn’t really going to change anything, though. People are still going to have it tattooed across their chest — fly it from their front porch — or wave it “proudly” as the cameras pan the crowd at any of this summer’s NASCAR events. The same defiance that led their great-great grandfathers to secede from the union is still smoldering deep inside — and I have to believe that for many ‘good ole boys,’ the flag isn’t so much a symbol of racial intolerance, but of the willingness to spit in the eye of authority. Continue reading

Finally … a Lame Duck!

President ObamaIt’s official — I can finally welcome in President Obama’s lame duck session of Congress. I know what you might be thinking, but hear me out. Normally, when speaking about the often difficult negotiations that happen behind the scenes in Washington, D.C., a president is constrained by virtue of the office from publicly “taking sides.” At least the good ones do.

You might recall when the president addressed the nation following the temporary fix he’d signed to end the Republican-led government shutdown, narrowly averting a default on America’s debt (would you rather the U.S. dollar remain the preeminent reserve currency around the world, or China’s renminbi, conservatives?).

As president, POTUS reminded lawmakers that “disagreement cannot mean dysfunction.” Now that he’s in the home stretch — it appears — he may not always feel he needs to walk directly down the middle of the road. Continue reading

@ the #End of His #Whits

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Welp — my first Twitter feud is officially over. The Jeb Bush/Jed Clampett/Buddy Ebsen fan blocked me on Twitter. I can’t tell you which @MoreWhit was MOAR upset about — associating Jed with Jeb, or poking fun of John Ellis Bush’s fledgling campaign.

I thought I’d put this out there for @MoreWhit, just in case he does some egosurfing. I’d like him to self-Google @MoreWhit and find it associated with a bunch of hashtags — like #HalfWhit, or #DullWhit, or #WhitLess. Hey — he HAD to know how easy it would be, when he chose the name.

To wit, he came spoiling for a fight, not me. You know what they say — an ounce of prevention (= #PoundOfWhit). If you wanted to #MatchWhits, Doug, you have to keep your wits about you. I’m kind of sad you found yourself at #WhitsEnd so early, @MoreWhit. Some can live by their wits alone — others are frightened out of their wits and leave.

Hello? <tap tap> Hellooooooooo? Is this thing on?

Here are a couple random screens from Twitter. I need to remember to keep an eye on Dinesh, now that he’s no longer in federal custody.

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Ted’s peeps were bragging that the audience clapped for him “the loudest” just the other day. No, honestly — that was “news” from Team Ted.

Looney Tunes Ted

Jon Stewart isn’t Laughing

Mark Twain. Will Rogers. Jon Stewart. Each generation we find someone who can make us take a good long look in the mirror as they relate some uncomfortable truths. They succeed, I believe, because they’re able make us laugh along the way — but the truth is always there, bubbling under the surface. Jon Stewart finally ran out of jokes last night.

We’re going to miss you, Jon.

Death or Laughter?

You have to have something seriously out of whack in your “meat computer” to publicly express your hope that folks are so distracted by the mass killing of nine Americans — that they forget about that disrespectful parody of a politician. No, seriously — that happened. The twit tweets:

The twit tweets

Gosh — I can’t wait to see what he says next. The anticipation is killing me.

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Aaaaaaaaaaand, we’re done.  … or not.

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Donald Trump Monopoly

This will be the last King of America™ entry for some time — but I kept forgetting to add the mustache! It’s my opinion that Donald Trump exhibits most of the traits of narcissistic personality disorder. WebMD says that individuals “marked by an inflated sense of self-importance, need for admiration and (display a ) lack of empathy” are candidates for further testing or psychiatric evaluation.

Donald Trump

“There is no cure, but therapy can help.” If someone you love is a bloviating jackass, have them take this handy quiz to see if they might benefit from counseling.



The Best Audience Money Can Buy.

King Donald

In his carefully managed, but badly mangled ad-libbed announcement to become King of America™, Donald Trump paid $50 a seat to actors if they’d pretend to give a shit. The campaign/show also distributed “handmade” signs to the “faithful.” The Hollywood Reporter has details.