Rick Perry is Out to Pasture

Goodbye Governor Good Hair

I just thought I’d drop you a note and wish you happy trails, gov. I doubt you’ll recall any of the advice I’ve passed along over the years — but that’s the thing about conservatives — you turn a blind eye to obvious truths and a deaf ear to those who try and pound some sense through your thick skulls.

I just read your statement about dropping out of the Republican primary and have to disagree that “the conservative movement has always been about principles, not personalities.” While I can’t deny there are some bedrock ideologies you’ll cling to, even as the ship of state is sinking, the “conservative movement” has been all cash and flash for years now.

We had a glad-handing frat boy as president for eight years (ably worked by Dick Cheney like a ventriloquist’s dummy), and for the past two presidential cycles, rank and file Republicans go all starry-eyed by millionaires without morals. I’m not saying Willard “Mitt” Romney is a bad person, but both he and ‘The Donald’ would rather cash out in the Caymans, than support an American worker. Continue reading

The Late Show Returns

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert kicked off its run with Jon Stewart delivering the ceremonial first pitch — or at least the first big laugh of the night. I think Colbert will do a fine job — but it was interesting to see the former “narcissistic conservative pundit” kicking off his show with so much free airtime for conservatives — not all of it satirical.

It was as though the RNC sponsored half the program, first mocking Donald Trump, and then allowing former Governor (Jeb!) Bush a four minute infomercial with no rebuttal. I know it’s entertainment, but when (Jeb!) bemoans a lack of civility in Washington, while ignoring where the animus originates, it left me shaking my head. I’ve solved that problem with some creative editing — for your consideration. Here’s the debut of the new Late Show on CBS — in under two minutes.

Donald, the Great and Powerful

oz

I’ll admit it. I’m stumped. It seems pretty clear that a Democratic shift in 2016 will be thanks, in large measure, to Donald Trump — but it carries a pretty hefty price tag. The only question in my mind is how that’s going to play out. Consider this: in 1860, over 80% of those eligible at the time turned out to vote in the quadrennial contest to become president (compared to 55% in 2012). Ask most Americans (okay, ask those who follow politics), and they’ll tell you that Abraham Lincoln defeated Stephen Douglas to win the office. But of the roughly 4.7 million white males who voted that year, President Lincoln won just 39% of the vote. Wait, what?

We owe a debt of gratitude to the Southern Democratic and Constitutional Union parties (the first formed to defend slavery — and the later to preserve the union at all costs), who split the vote. Donald Trump is poised to do the exact same thing for the 2016 Democratic nominee — and it scares the pants off the GOP. You reap what you sow, kids. The right been pandering to the bigoted, jingoistic, Republican Jesus™ loving crowd for decades — and now the crazy has come home to roost. Continue reading

Jeb Bush Blames “W” for ISIS

Bush

“A writer must always tell the truth, unless he is a journalist.” Gore Vidal said that — and nearly every newspaper, magazine, blog and television pundit is poised to prove him correct. (Jeb!) Bush will give a major policy speech at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley tonight — and tomorrow “the press” will dutifully repeat the lie that President Obama and former Secretary of State Clinton are responsible for creating the terrorist group ISIL.

(Jeb!)’s big lie depends on another of Vidal’s prophetic insights: we live in the “United States of Amnesia,” where “half of the people have never read a newspaper, (and) half never voted for president.” Gore Vidal knew, and (Jeb!) “hopes it is the same half.” The same people who argued Iraq must be allowed the “freedom” of self-governance, now blame Democrats for Iraq’s failure to keep the peace inside their own border.

That’s because Republican war-mongers, like those doing their level best to tear apart an international arms agreement with Iran, went into Iraq and broke it. And unless they’ve recently fallen and concussed themselves, they should also remember that the Status of Forces Agreement (requiring the permanent withdrawal of combat troops from Iraq) was signed by President George W. Bush in 2008. Continue reading

Southern Pride Yields a Bitter Crop

Grapes

 

As I began to put down a few observations about the battle flag brouhaha in South Carolina, my iPhone alerted me to the news that Governor Nikki Haley was expected at any moment, ready to announce the flag of General Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia will be removed from the Confederate Soldiers War Memorial, located on the capitol grounds. That just happened. I expected her to be late — since they likely needed a head count, rather than be embarrassed at some future date, when the requisite two thirds of state legislators failed to agree on its removal.

Retiring the flag to its proper place in American history — on mothballs in a museum — isn’t really going to change anything, though. People are still going to have it tattooed across their chest — fly it from their front porch — or wave it “proudly” as the cameras pan the crowd at any of this summer’s NASCAR events. The same defiance that led their great-great grandfathers to secede from the union is still smoldering deep inside — and I have to believe that for many ‘good ole boys,’ the flag isn’t so much a symbol of racial intolerance, but of the willingness to spit in the eye of authority. Continue reading

@ the #End of His #Whits

Screen shot 2015-06-20 at 9.32.31 AM

Welp — my first Twitter feud is officially over. The Jeb Bush/Jed Clampett/Buddy Ebsen fan blocked me on Twitter. I can’t tell you which @MoreWhit was MOAR upset about — associating Jed with Jeb, or poking fun of John Ellis Bush’s fledgling campaign.

I thought I’d put this out there for @MoreWhit, just in case he does some egosurfing. I’d like him to self-Google @MoreWhit and find it associated with a bunch of hashtags — like #HalfWhit, or #DullWhit, or #WhitLess. Hey — he HAD to know how easy it would be, when he chose the name.

To wit, he came spoiling for a fight, not me. You know what they say — an ounce of prevention (= #PoundOfWhit). If you wanted to #MatchWhits, Doug, you have to keep your wits about you. I’m kind of sad you found yourself at #WhitsEnd so early, @MoreWhit. Some can live by their wits alone — others are frightened out of their wits and leave.

Hello? <tap tap> Hellooooooooo? Is this thing on?


Here are a couple random screens from Twitter. I need to remember to keep an eye on Dinesh, now that he’s no longer in federal custody.

Screen shot 2015-06-20 at 4.00.01 PM

Ted’s peeps were bragging that the audience clapped for him “the loudest” just the other day. No, honestly — that was “news” from Team Ted.

Looney Tunes Ted

Death or Laughter?

You have to have something seriously out of whack in your “meat computer” to publicly express your hope that folks are so distracted by the mass killing of nine Americans — that they forget about that disrespectful parody of a politician. No, seriously — that happened. The twit tweets:

The twit tweets

Gosh — I can’t wait to see what he says next. The anticipation is killing me.


Screen shot 2015-06-19 at 12.58.58 PMScreen shot 2015-06-19 at 12.59.18 PM

Aaaaaaaaaaand, we’re done.  … or not.


Screen shot 2015-06-19 at 3.49.37 PMScreen shot 2015-06-19 at 3.50.00 PM

 

A Man Named Jeb

Carpetbagger

Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jeb
A rich raconteur, who was sort of a celeb
His dad you see, was some politician dude
who got rich quick from that bubbling’ crude.

Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

Well the first thing you know them Bushes all spread out
Pops told Jeb, “Down’n Florida they got clout”
Electoral college — that’s the place you gotta be
So Jeb packed up his carpetbag and moved out towards the sea.

Bay, that is. Tampa cool — Cuban cigars.

Well now its time to say goodbye to Jeb and all his kin
Four more years of Bush rule would most likely do us in
Y’all invited back this year to their insanity
Or bar ’em for eternity, from our D.C. hostelry

Politics that is. Get some facts now … Take them blinders off.

Y’all vote Dem now, y’hear?


Join the conversation on Facebook