Going Nuclear

Go ahead and laugh at the double entendre, Donald, and miss the point. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time (sorry about that, Serge).

About now “Tom Joad” would take you deep inside Orwell’s memory hole, where Donald dumps facts, science, reason and compassion. TJ would tell the story of Trumplethinskin and Serge Kovaleski of the New York Times (a former WaPo reporter Trump claims changed a story to make him look bad — he didn’t).

Tom Joad 2.0 isn’t as “philosophical” as some may yearn for — but it’s by necessity. I’m not the first to note that this angry man-child of a president is literally banking on us to get bogged down in debate, bamboozled by his bullshit, as he surrounds the White House with an army of lawyers. He’s Fielding Mellish absent the bumbling charm — and with a mean streak a mile-wide. This is not normal. Continue reading “Going Nuclear”

Size Envy

Tell me that man is not admiring Angela Merkel’s hands. Big, beautiful hands that Donald Trump covets. No really, look at his eyes. Pathetic.

Next time, she should just slap him. Not very diplomatic, but neither is he.

Random tweets.

“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.” — Mark Twain

 

Donald Trump Goes Biblical.

Here’s a quick primer to some of the things Donald Trump shared with the audience at the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C., hosted by the Family Research Counsel. When the word salad begins to resemble a jungle, simply refer to this guide.

Donald Trump, American Statesman

“My Bible”

This is a prop, inscribed by his mother when Donald was just a child. Any Christian who believes Donald consults that particular book, has already forgotten that he couldn’t/refused to name a favorite passage. “Um, all of ’em, any of ’em that, um, have, have been in front of me over all these years.” Okay, I lied. That was Sarah Palin. Donald’s Bible makes three appearances during tonight’s performance.

“I went to great schools.”

Donald Trump is rich, and every financial analyst that’s checked assures us that he’d still be rich even if he’d never built a casino, or filed a claim in bankruptcy court. His claim that “it’s so easy” is fairly tone deaf in a country where the average school loan debt for college graduates is $30,000 and climbing. Continue reading “Donald Trump Goes Biblical.”

Rick Perry is Out to Pasture

Goodbye Governor Good Hair

I just thought I’d drop you a note and wish you happy trails, gov. I doubt you’ll recall any of the advice I’ve passed along over the years — but that’s the thing about conservatives — you turn a blind eye to obvious truths and a deaf ear to those who try and pound some sense through your thick skulls.

I just read your statement about dropping out of the Republican primary and have to disagree that “the conservative movement has always been about principles, not personalities.” While I can’t deny there are some bedrock ideologies you’ll cling to, even as the ship of state is sinking, the “conservative movement” has been all cash and flash for years now.

We had a glad-handing frat boy as president for eight years (ably worked by Dick Cheney like a ventriloquist’s dummy), and for the past two presidential cycles, rank and file Republicans go all starry-eyed by millionaires without morals. I’m not saying Willard “Mitt” Romney is a bad person, but both he and ‘The Donald’ would rather cash out in the Caymans, than support an American worker. Continue reading “Rick Perry is Out to Pasture”

Wherein Mike Huckabee is Smote.

An Open Letter to Governor Mike Huckabee, from the Creator of the Universe, God “I am who He is” Almighty.

Son, have you lost what’s left of your itsy-bitsy, pea-pickin’ mind? I try to ignore most of what you kids say because, frankly, humans who claim to understand what the “Self-Existent One” thinks used to wind up in the laughing academy, not on the six o’clock news. Your appeal to pathos on Michael Medved’s radio program was floating around the cosmos, however, and I have to say I found it truly offensive.

Look, take it from Theos — nobody’s perfect. But when you claim “black people aren’t fully human,” in 2015, a trip to the sanitarium becomes more likely than one to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Before you accuse “The First and the Last” of taking your statement out of context, remember that I want to be a “very present help in trouble,” Mike, so please take this admonishment to heart. Continue reading “Wherein Mike Huckabee is Smote.”

The Late Show Returns

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert kicked off its run with Jon Stewart delivering the ceremonial first pitch — or at least the first big laugh of the night. I think Colbert will do a fine job — but it was interesting to see the former “narcissistic conservative pundit” kicking off his show with so much free airtime for conservatives — not all of it satirical.

It was as though the RNC sponsored half the program, first mocking Donald Trump, and then allowing former Governor (Jeb!) Bush a four minute infomercial with no rebuttal. I know it’s entertainment, but when (Jeb!) bemoans a lack of civility in Washington, while ignoring where the animus originates, it left me shaking my head. I’ve solved that problem with some creative editing — for your consideration. Here’s the debut of the new Late Show on CBS — in under two minutes.