With apologies where necessary:
Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Donald Trump, the “president”, right here tonight.
I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there at Mar-A-Lago with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah!
Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?