All The President’s Men

… are jumping off a sinking ship of state. Now it’s time for the title match — Pence v. Trump: Christianity or Chaos? Which will rule America?

Imagine for a moment — the showdown coming up at Camp David. Trump’s convinced Pence is working behind the scenes, consolidating support on the Hill for a Pence presidency. Pence’s convinced Trump is a temperamental jackass of a boss who also might be mentally deranged.

TRUMP: You’re fired.

PENCE: Says who? I serve at the pleasure of the president, Donald, but I don’t believe you’re the president anymore — I am.

TRUMP: You can’t do that, I fired you first.

PENCE: Ha! You “fired” your White House business council after all the CEOs walked, you giant hypocrite.

TRUMP: They weren’t loyal. They were weak, they were all very weak business people. No wonder America is a disaster!

PENCE: … YOU were the one who brought them to the White House you raging imbecile … they are all strong, capable business leaders with vibrant dynamic corporations who believe that supporting Nazis is …

TRUMP: NO — they didn’t agree with me, so that just means they were wrong. So sad. I feel bad for anyone with stock in those companies, believe me — it would be a shame if anything were to happen to their portfolios.

PENCE: Like the way you tanked Amazon stock when The Washington Post wrote an unflattering editorial?

TRUMP: It’s all about reforming the tax code. Pathetic Mitch and pretty boy Ryan know I’ll sign anything they send me. It’s time to get us some!

PENCE: I own a pen, too, Donald.

TRUMP: Damn.

 

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